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We go on a date, but the whole date we can only talk in dialogue (or narration, if for some reason you are moved to discuss the breakdown of the Imperium vs. So if you want more wine for instance, you would kind of look at the wine bottle and say “the spice must flow! Fuck cilantro.27) I want to wake up next to you on a lazy Sunday morning, with white curtains blowing in the breeze, and you lean over me and look in my eyes and OH SHIT IT’S MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER’S FACE AND HER EYES ARE MADE OF WORMS and it turns out I’m still asleep. Looming jagged mountains with shapes no earthly power could have created, at once beautiful and foreboding, kind of like one of those old Yes album covers from before they sucked.

” And if someone is sitting too close to our table you would say “the Bene Gesserit witch must leave! And then I wake up for real and you’re like “what were you yelling about” and I’m like “nothing, let’s fuck.” How about it.30) The Legend of Zelda™ fucking sucked, FYI. Atop the highest peak, shrouded in fangs of cloud, is a tower, a castle, stone heaped upon stone by untold eons of forgotten hands. It has a name like a newfangled pharmaceutical for some feminine problem would have. Inside the society of wizards awaits, chanting your true name, which resembles a disease wiped out in the 1920’s, except for a few pockets in like, Gabon.

Not at your Third Street Starbucks, though, as I am banned from that one for 30 days. Or maybe we do, and then we get married and move slightly out of town to some place where people of modest means can get a pretty big yard, and we get a goat, but the fucking thing is too loud and keeps chewing through the fence- they are surprisingly clever animals. But point being the goat keeps getting out and getting into the neighbor’s yard and eating his heirloom tomatoes or whateverthefuck- maybe we laugh at this.

Your absurd statutes regarding proper use of rest rooms are incomprehensible to me.16) Not gonna lie, I found you a little intimidating. Maybe this discord with our neighbors only brings us closer together, like, us against the world. I don’t have a fuckin crystal ball.20) You remind me of that scene in Robocop where they’re showing the prototype robot to the corporate board and it goes nuts and cuts the guy from West Wing in half with a machine gun. You are not just a normal bullshit wizard, either; you are the one extremely special wizard with a crooked eyebrow or something who is prophesied to save the world of wizarding from another, also much-ballyhooed, slightly less special but evil wizard.

These were actually WORSE than just saying "hey." Apparently nothing gets people out of the mood for love more than the term "cargo jorts." Of the top five most commonly selected lines (users were given three options per match), only two of those lines were high-performing. Notopoulos writes about tech and internet culture is cohost of the Internet Explorer podcast.

For this reason, the key to an increased response rate is the crafting of a perfect online dating opener.

Obviously women are a complicated case study, but that doesn't mean we can’t get a little insight from their dating patterns.

And when you follow the research, two things become crystal clear: women almost exclusively respond to messages that stand out and encourage a response (i.e.

You’re a handsome young woman and obviously you’ve accomplished a lot in your short life. Maybe not, maybe you never wanted to get it in the first place, maybe you never wanted to move to the suburbs, maybe you secretly blame me for everything moving too fast and now you’re stuck here out in Calabasas or something and now you’re like 33 and if you leave me you’ll never have biological children, but if you stay with me you don’t know how you can stand even one more fucking second in this house in the middle of nowhere and separating the bank accounts is going to be such a god damned pain in the ass, and the goat isn’t cute anymore, it was a stupid idea, and it has an expected life span of like 35 more years but any place you give it away to might use it for meat and that would pretty much be unconscionable. That’s what it’s going to be like with you and me in like four years. And like, the big evil corporate guy is like “somebody clean this up for Christ’s sake.” Both you and that scene are fucking awesome.22) Some day, man… The breakdown in wizard specialness goes: all other wizards Come with me, I will say, and outside is parked a pegasus. the one for you has been customized with an awesome panel airbrushed on the side; I would say a chick with big tits in a chainmail bikini waving a spear on top of a polar bear but that’s probably not the kind of shit you would like.

But there’s also something accessible and human that comes through. you and me get some acreage and just a fuckton of goats. This is why I need to get to know you better, you know.

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